Indecision V Prevarication

For me, and I’m really talking personally here, these two are my worst enemies.

Indecision, is the thing that stops me writing – really.   Because in my experience the hard part of writing, and in some ways the exciting part of writing is  making millions of tiny decisions.  From tiny, to massive.  What word? Where? How?  What voice?  What character?  What should I do here?  What shouldn’t I do here?  What would happen if I took that section out and scrapped this character?  I have to think it through.  All the way through, but often my tiny mind isn’t really up to it, so instead, I get about half way and then…

I prevaricate.

I do a multitude of pointless things, like Twitter and Facebook and checking my sales figures on Amazon – Oh yes, I hate Amazon but I want to sell my books on it.  My son says “we’re human, we have a right to hypocrisy.”

trees

I clean the fridge, I empty the dishwasher, I paint windows, I pick up fallen apples and prepare them so that they add to the already enormous quantities of stewed apple stowed in the freezer, ready and waiting for the zombie apocalypse.  I dig the allotment so that the weeds have a better time in the freshly tilled soil.  I walk. I stare at the sky. I write blog posts.  I try to play Moonlight Sonata on the out of tune piano.

And so, after several days, when I’ve prevaricated enough, I go back to make myself make that decision. The idea is that time will have done the work for me.  Like sleep and that ravelled sleeve that Shakespeare invented.

If I’m really lucky, time has, and some higher wind takes me through it really fast and the little fragments of grey matter that have been so absorbed in packing apple into the freezer know exactly what to do.  Within minutes a whole mass of decisions have been made and acted upon.

But if I’m not lucky, as if tramping through mud on a slope, the whole thing becomes messy and backwards and I wish I was still painting windows.

Or peeling apples.

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5 thoughts on “Indecision V Prevarication

  1. tomrains

    I definitely know how you feel — the only thing that seems to completely stop my indecision and prevaricating is pressure, namely, a deadline, which, if entirely self-imposed, doesn’t feel like much of a deadline. I’m not totally sure how to solve this problem of procrastination, besides breaking down tasks into tinier pieces, the act of which can also be procrastination! Sigh.

    Reply
      1. tomrains

        Ha, very true! In grad school, I worked 36 straight hours on my thesis the day before it was due . . . I felt like a crazy person at the end of that. And one of my professors said he worked 68 hours straight on a manuscript he had to get turned in. PEOPLE ARE CRAZY! (I include myself in this use of “people.”)

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